did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
