So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
