Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
