I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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