Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
