i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
