Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
