i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
