I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Your tits are I can't wait for
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
