Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
