If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
