Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
