I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
