Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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