Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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