You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
