She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
