how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
