apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
