I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
