They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i dont even know how to be here
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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