with your own penis?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
