Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
