I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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