My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
