cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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