i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
