I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
