Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
smell my finger.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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