We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
