U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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