I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
