Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
