The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
