is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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