Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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