Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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