i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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