I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
