I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
