you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
