Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
