At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
