I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
