My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
