I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
