I wannas sexs uuuuu
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
