Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
