Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
