normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
