This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
