I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
