Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets

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(281): View more from Texas

Thanks for getting me home last night.

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.

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(256): View more from Alabama

she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.

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(415): View more from California

Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up

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(812): View more from Indiana

And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.

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(951): View more from California

She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Why do you need me to cover for work?

(608): View more from Wisconsin

I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.

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(406): View more from Montana

its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.

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