It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
