do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
