i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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