I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
