I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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