Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
