She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
