Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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