I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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