i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
