It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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