Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My ass is underappreciated
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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