he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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