It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
