I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
