Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
