she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
