captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
