my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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