lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
