I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
