last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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