her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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