if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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