Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Boobs are out for the taking
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
