If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
