and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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