Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
