she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
no you cant smoke seaweed
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
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I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
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my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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