Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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