Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
