No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
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I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
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I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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