Please, let me fuck your mom
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
