I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
