Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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