You just made me feel so damn special
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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