swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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