it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
