Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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