so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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