covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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