If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
