i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
