stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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