Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
